Life is Interesting

Life is interesting. It is like clouds. It moves this way and that. But you can’t keep your finger on it. You can’t control it.

Just the moment you think you’ve got it where you want it and then it shifts. The cumulus clouds come piling in, their lower edges tinted, with dark colors, ready to drop rain.

I’m sitting on the balcony of a hotel in Ft. Lauderdale. I’m on vacation by myself. The sun is shining and the clouds are drifting. I’ve been away from this blog for quite some time. A crisis has overtaken my life.

Over the last few months events have left me wondering if I know up from down. Everything I thought I knew about my life is quaking. Oddly, the current banking crisis has appeared almost like a metaphor for my own events. This is quite an admission, I think for some one who prides themselves on being certain of life.

I used to be certain, or thought I was about where my life was headed.

Now I don’t know.

I don’t know if the course I’m on will lead me anywhere. I don’t know if I’ll be happier or if life will push by me like these rumbling clouds.

What I do know is that my heart has a deep yearning. It is yearning to be loved, to be filled with love, to know love- more strongly than ever. It is a an overwhelming current, like a rope twisted taut around my heart. It is tugging, tugging, pulling at my insides. It longs to be uncoiled.

I have no idea were this current is leading me.

So I don’t know where it will end. And just like I don’t know what these big, fluffy clouds are going to do today ( are they going to dissipate and leave us with glorious sunshine, or are they going to barrage us with showers- I have to accept it. I have to accept and if I can trust that things will work out.

So i am following my heart. I have to. Only my heart can lead me in the direction I need to go.

The recent financial crisis is a good example of the need to trust our hearts. If we allow ourselves to drop into fear, then nothing good will come of it.

We have to hold onto the idea that something larger than ourselves is in control. Call it the Universe, God, or the One. What we call it doesn’t matter. Some force has set the planets in their course. Some intelligence knows where this will all end. We have to hold onto this or we’ll lose hope.

Yes, the bailout might work. Or who knows maybe it wont. But we don’t have to worry.

Go outside and look at the clouds. Listen to the wind. Peer deeply up at the stars.
Go within and listen intensely to your own heart. The wind, stars, and clouds were here long, long before we were here. They will still be here after we are long gone.

The only certainty is change.

Life is interesting.

October 4th, 2008